Our soothing system

20 May 2024
Sarah Shand, our Clinical Psychologist, has written a second blog with a focus on our soothing systems

Whether you are a person accessing services or as a person working within services, thinking about our mental health is important. If the theme this year is  “movement” the opposite could be described as feeling ‘stuck’; something that I regularly hear from both our teams and the people we work with. It can be disempowering to know where you want to go, yet struggle to see the resources or systems that are able to support you to get there. Change is hard, sustaining that change can be even harder.

This is the same for our teams too. The concern around burnout often doesn’t stem from hearing the hardships people experience but instead from the lack of access, response and options available to people in crisis. These stories are not unfamiliar. I have heard this narrative across third sector organisations, NHS services (both primary care and mental health), social care, housing teams and drug and alcohol services. We are all trying our best, but feel stuck in structures that struggle to be flexible to meet the needs of the people we work with. We see the impact this can have on a person, in particular when we see or hear of people harmed or dying, and think “this could have been different”. Being put in this position isn’t easy, nor should it be easy – it is caused by unfair and unjust circumstances.

Across society, we speak a lot about the importance of resilience. I agree that we need to look after ourselves, often a personal combination of strategies, support, rest and experience. I won’t write about these strategies in detail today, there are lots of resources which highlight this. Instead, I want to quickly reflect on the word resilience and unpicking its meaning. 

A term commonly used with the best of intentions, yet one that does not account for the nuances of external factors that impact our ability to cope, such as poverty, interpersonal relationships and what power we have in difficult situations. It is not a personal failure if you struggle to cope or feel burned out. Perhaps we could explore the term ‘resistance’ as an alternative word, to resist against the struggles and situations we are faced with in the best way we know how – does this land differently, or feel different? 

Resisting burnout with justice doing

One of the people I am most inspired by is Vikki Reynolds, a Psychotherapist taking a social justice approach to supporting people who face multiple disadvantages. She has created guidance and worksheets which explore how to keep people safe and healthy at work. She highlights how difficult the work can be and that we cannot solely rely on our own individual coping strategies; we need to connect to our values of why we are here and our collective efforts to do the work, this can ‘shoulder us up’. She writes “resistance may not stop violence or social cruelty, but it does connect us with our sense of humanity and collective dignity”. In this context, ‘resistance’ might be the things we have tried to do to advocate for a person (for example highlighting a MAT standard to an individual so you can empower them to advocate for their rights) as well as the reason why we are doing this (to ensure someone is being treated fairly and resist injustice).  It is also the small acts of resistance the people we support do and how we highlight this to them, for example despite their struggle to leave their room and past negative experiences, they agree to go to the GP to take care of their health, because they deserve that care. 

We talk a lot in services about holding onto hope. Vicki Reynolds talks about this being different to optimism – it is the appreciation of the small moments and the connections we have and make with people.  While we understand how difficult things are for people, we look for the small moments of hope, the small moments of something different. When we celebrate in teams what are perceived as ‘small moments’ – someone starting to trust us a little bit (knowing how difficult this is for them) by having a cup of tea with a member of staff – these are recognised and celebrated as the big moments, the parts we need to hold onto. 

Whilst we may struggle to make radical changes in systems overnight, we can say that the work that we do does its best to protect people from things getting worse. It ensures people get treated with dignity and respect, alongside work that we hope feels meaningful to them. That stuff matters. People matter. We can create dignifying relationships for people and we shouldn’t underestimate the power of this. There are a lot more to the resources that Vicki Reynolds has, including finding your ‘solidarity team’ which I would be encourage you to read if you are interested.I’ll leave some questions to perhaps ask yourself, to reconnect with the ethics/values of the work:

  • What drew you to this work?
  • What are the values that you hold close to you, how does this fit with values of the organisation?
  • How do you allow this to come through in your work, despite difficult circumstances?
  • What ways of being in this work do you value and hold close?
  • When do you feel most close to your values in this work?
  • How are you transformed for having done this work?
  • What have people contributed to your life, your relationships?
  • How are you different in this world for having done this work? 

Our soothing system

Another key tool I use whilst thinking about wellbeing at work links to Compassion Focused Therapy (CFT). Paul Gilbert’s CFT model discusses the importance of the three motivation systems; our drive system (goal orientedorientated behaviour towards resources), our threat system (keeping us safe and protected) and our soothing system (supports us to connect with others). We need all three systems day to day, including within work. 

I think it is good to explore what activities in work sit within each of our systems. For example, my drive system includes when I am in meetings with others and we are sharing ideas, this motivates me to keep going and create change. My threat system may be activated when I am asked to do things like blog posts or excessive admin. My soothe system is activated when I’m on outreach, having a team lunch, having a laugh over a cuppa with someone or taking a short walk to get a coffee (and likely a cake). I’ve been in teams recently who have known the importance of being together and feeling connected (activating their soothing system) because it is hard for others outwith the team to grasp what they are going through – I found this quite powerful.  All of our systems will be activated in different ways and I think as a society we perhaps don’t think enough about our soothing system. 

I would welcome you to think a little more about your own soothing system. What helps you feel calm, rested and connected? This could be things you do outside work to help you continue whilst in work, or things that happen in work.

This was a whistlestop tour of two resources I lean on when thinking about the bigger influences on our wellbeing at work. I would welcome anyone’s thoughts on it, or if they’d like to chat to me about it more. It might also be nice to share together what supports our wellbeing and mental health at work.